#124: Re-Reading Text Messages from Your Ex

A quick, to the point episode on something that most people (if not all) struggle with after a breakup or divorce: re-reading texts from your ex.

After a breakup, it’s extremely common to scroll through old text messages between you and your ex. Some remind you how great things once were. You reflect on the good morning and goodnight texts…and all the cute things and inside jokes the two of you had. These texts will make you miss your ex and probably even want them back. These texts really have a way of pulling at your heartstrings, leading to anxiety, a feeling of loss, and a depressed mood.

Listen to the full episode now or continue reading below…

Others may remind you how toxic things got, leading you to regret, overthink, and have second thoughts about your behaviour. You may even start to blame yourself and create a bunch of “what ifs”…such as “What if I didn’t say that?” “What if I would have said this instead?”  “What if I would have handled that differently?” At the end of the day, you just need to know that it likely wouldn’t have made any difference. I am a firm believer that things play out as they are supposed to.

Revisiting old texts can further erode at your self-esteem and self-worth, which can be especially fragile after a breakup.

So yeah…in either case, reading positive or negative text messages will just make you feel worse, keep you feeling stuck, make you want things to be back to the way they were in the beginning, and delay your healing.

I personally like to take the out of sight, out of mind approach and just delete everything. I don’t save things in certain folders or whatever. I see no use in revisiting things when I need to move on and I don’t like making things harder on myself than they have to be. Plus, it can be too tempting to look at them, even if you are trying your best not to. Sitting in pain isn’t my idea of a good time – I want to get the heck out of there as soon as possible!

And in cases where you were hurt really bad, lied to, or cheated on, keeping those memories alive will just wear on you. Which is why I delete photos too. I don’t see a need in saving any memory of someone who disrespected me, was dishonest with me, or took advantage of me. Like what is the point? In all honesty, it just makes me mad at myself for sticking around longer than I should have.

At the end of the day, you are just going to make things so much harder than they have to be if you hold onto old texts. When you want to move forward in life, you need to be able to let go of the past. You can’t start a new chapter in life if you keep re-reading the old one after all.

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