So you’re asking, “Should I text my ex after a breakup?” Hell no. That thought comes from a place of panic, fear, discomfort, and insecurity. Good decisions are based on confidence.
Let’s cut the fluff and talk about what nobody wants to admit after a breakup: desperation. Yeah, that clingy, sweaty-palmed, “Maybe he didn’t see my last message?” type of energy. The one where you’re doom-scrolling through his Instagram stories looking for a sliver of hope – or worse, “a sign.”
We’ve all been there. The breakup happens, your world tilts, and suddenly your self-worth is hanging by the frayed thread of his last “I miss you” text from two months ago. You’re replaying every moment like it was a movie, forgetting he forgot your birthday and treated your love like a side quest.
TRUTH BOMB: Desperation is just misplaced hope dressed in low self-esteem.
Desperation Looks Like…
- Sending multiple texts and not getting a reply.
- Stalking his new situationship like you’re on payroll.
- Obsessing over his social media.
- Saying “I just want closure,” but really hoping he’ll say he made a mistake.
- Settling for crumbs and calling it connection.
- Sleeping with him after he dumped you, lied to you, cheated on you.
Desperation after a breakup doesn’t mean you’re broken – it means you’ve been sold the fantasy that your value is tied to being wanted. But you are not leftovers waiting to be reheated in someone’s microwave affection.
Let’s be real: a lot of us are trained to think “being chosen” is the win. But what if the real flex is choosing yourself when someone else couldn’t see your worth? What if being desperate for him is just a loud signal that you’re overdue to reconnect with you?
Don’t Be Ashamed – Be Aware
Look, I’m not here to shame anyone. We’ve all made those late-night “just checking in” texts. Heck, I wrote a whole breakup book about it. (Spoiler: it’s called Don’t Be Desperate for a reason.)
Desperation isn’t weakness – it’s a wake-up call.
You’re not desperate because you loved deeply. You’re desperate because you’re now confusing love with access. Just because he can reach you doesn’t mean he should. Just because he’s familiar doesn’t mean he’s right. And just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you need to fill that space with the same tired pattern.
Reclaim Your Energy
So what do you do instead of texting your ex?
- Block, delete, and detox. If you can’t trust yourself not to spiral, baby, remove the option.
- Write the damn feelings out. Let them live somewhere other than rent-free in your head.
- Workout. Sweat out the stress.
- Channel that desperate energy into your comeback. You are not begging to be seen. You are preparing to shine so bright, he’ll need shades just to Google you.
Final Word…
You’re not crazy. You’re just cracked open – and that’s when the light gets in. But you have to choose to be done. You have to choose to protect your peace like it’s a gorgeous Chanel bag in a rainstorm.
And if you need a little help getting there, I got you. My book Don’t Be Desperate is your no-nonsense, self-love pep talk in paperback form. It’s not just advice. It’s breakup affirmations, clarity, and that tough-love girlfriend energy you need to slap the desperation out of your aura.
Read it. Bookmark it. Gift it to your bestie before she texts him “wyd.” Again.
Stay strong. Stay sassy. Stay unavailable to nonsense.
Don’t text your ex after a breakup. Period!
What else can I offer you?
(1) ORDER EMAIL or PHONE coaching
at breakupBOOST.com
(2) Listen to this podcast: breakup BOOST
(3) Get cool breakup & dating
merch: blockandshop.com
– Trina Leckie
