Listen to this podcast episode HERE: #264 Desperately Seeking Someone. And be sure to check out my book, Don’t Be DESPERATE. It can completely shift your mindset so that you no longer stay stuck on the wrong people, stop ignoring red flags, start setting standards, and become a smarter dater going forward. It’s like having a BS detector in the palm of your hands.
It’s totally cool to want to be in a relationship, but if it’s to the point where you are losing sleep over not finding one, feeling less than cause you’re not in one, or allowing the lack of one to completely dictate your attitude, you’ve stepped into the territory of desperate.
Being so dependent on someone else to feel complete is not healthy. That’s like saying that you aren’t worthy enough on your own. That you can’t be happy on your own.
I think we should ALL be fully aware by now that being in a relationship doesn’t provide automatic peace and glee. Far from it.
Maybe you need a reminder that relationships out there are ending every hour, every day, or just hanging on by a thread… so like the saying goes, stop convincing yourself the grass is so much greener – when you know there are no guarantees with ANY of this.
And even if you do find yourself in a happy relationship, there is no guarantee as to how long it will last.
These are simply REAL facts of life.
So many people seem to be completely delusional about this. They keep holding onto this IDEA that this one person needs to come along so everything will be perfect… and if they don’t, their life will suck. And that is a terrible mindset.
When you have this mindset, you waste so much time being miserable and stressed because you have convinced yourself that being single is a place filled with DOOM…
Getting into a relationship doesn’t mean you sail off into the sunset and start living a fairytale life forever and ever amen.
So the main message of this episode is this… it’s imperative that you start to be OK with whatever is going on in your life at the PRESENT TIME.
You always need to be in a place where no matter who comes and goes, you are GOOD and find comfort in THAT. You want to be independent and secure in yourself… standing on your own two feet.
Are you going to die if you don’t have a bf, gf, wife, husband? No.
Does complaining about it or being negative about it make someone magically show up? NO…
So, you need to chill on that.
And I hate to break it to ya, but desperation reeks like cheap perfume or cologne.
You can spot a desperate person a mile away by the way they carry themselves.
Do you want to be the person who someone is thinking, “Omg, they’re so desperate”?
Or do you want to be the one who someone sees and thinks, “Wow… they’re so confident with themselves…They’re so positive and have a refreshing outlook on life.”
I’d say the latter.
Everyone in the world is attracted to confidence. It’s the most appealing trait someone can have when it comes to attractiveness.
So, the irony here is … if you keep coming across as desperate, but you have the goal of being in a thriving relationship, do you see how the math doesn’t add up?
I mean, sure you could literally go meet anyone and get into a relationship, but I’m talking quality and healthy. There is ZERO advantage to being in a relationship unless it is fulfilling, injecting joy into your life, and making more deposits than withdrawals.
You want the kind of relationship that is actually WORTH being in. Something top tier.
When you’re desperate, you have no standards, you accept below bare minimum, you let things slide, you tolerate nonsense…and on and on…
What kind of life is that?
If you want to attract someone of quality, the desperate vibes need to be extinguished.
Or are you willing to completely lower yourself JUST to have someone and to be able to say you are in a relationship? I mean, let’s make it make sense.
You need to make a deal with yourself – I am only going to be in a relationship if it makes LOGICAL sense.
So I’ll make this simple for you. The only 2 options are: single or in a fulfilling relationship…
And no, I don’t mean you won’t still have ups and downs or argue here and there – that’s normal – I’m talking not being compatible, not finding it rewarding overall, or being in something that is toxic.
You know the difference when you’re in it, so let’s not start comparing apples to oranges.
If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself where you are confident, have self-esteem, and treat yourself with respect, you will always end up with someone who will drain you even more.
You need to get to a place where you are fed up of your own BS.
There are so many people out there who are still complaining about the same person they were complaining about a year ago.
When is it going to stop?
What are you getting out of this?
If you are still dealing with a situation that you know has been unhealthy and eating away at you for more than 3 months, you are being desperate. It doesn’t matter how much you try to force things, forcing things never works.
It’s time to start empowering yourself and stop acting powerless.
Do you know how fast life goes by?
And you want to waste it on some dead-end situation? Or worrying day and night about finding someone?
And if you are scared to let go of someone who isn’t good for you because you are scared you won’t meet anyone else, take a step back and find the logic in that.
Seriously, so many people vent and vent and do NOTHING to change their situation. It gets old. It’s exhausting.
Don’t you get sick of listening to yourself complain about the same things over and over? And trust me, no one in your life wants to keep listening to it over and over either… unless THEY are ALSO in the same position and keep going through the motions instead of deciding to take charge of their life.
In order to make changes in your life, you first need to admit that there are things that need to be changed. You need to be self-aware. You need to let go of your ego. When people allow their ego to lead them in life, they miss out on a lot of growth and usually stay in the same place.
So the key in all of this is focus on what you can control.
Focus on becoming the best version of you in the present time.
Let go of what was not working in the past.
Let go of what is not working in the present.
Stop getting anxiety over the future.
All you have is RIGHT NOW.
So get focused on being content RIGHT NOW and in the present ONGOING.
From this hour forward, make choices that make sense and support where you want to be.
Stop with the excuses and being ok with mediocre.
Work on becoming whole on your own and secure in yourself… that will make the desperation start to evaporate…your confidence will build … and your odds of attracting quality people into your life will increase.
All these things work together hand in hand…
You can’t be missing the building blocks and think you’re going to build a masterpiece… ya know what I’m sayin? You need a solid foundation.
So, remember to grab a copy of Don’t Be Desperate: Get Over Your Breakup with Clarity & Dignity!… now available on Amazon.
And for personalized advice for your situation, whether you’re going through a breakup, having relationship problems, or confused about a dating situation, please reach out for advice by email or phone coaching. -Trina